I'm Slightly Bittah.. and THIS is Dylan Rants
- Dylan Andrews
- Apr 21
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 24
Welcome to the start of my blog series 'Dylan Rants'!
Since I was in middle school, I've shocked the internet with my foul mouthed rants about nonsense ranging from: Reality TV, animated shows like 'Total Drama Island' and everyday inconveniences. However, I feel like my words of passion would be much better suited to a written medium.
So henceforth, if watching a Long Island Gen Z Parasite complain for half an hour is too much for you, perhaps reading the complaints of a Long Island Gen Z Parasite will be more palatable!
Firstly, let's get something straight: This is my blog and not yours. So if at any point you say to yourself...
"UGH I really want him to stop doing (insert dumbass critique here)! I'm gonna let him know it needs to end! 😠"
I highly recommend that you scroll up and click that little red X now before its too late. Unless you're paying me — which no one is — I'm not gonna take any hate comments seriously. Besides... who ACTUALLY reads blogs anyway? Oh. Well I guess you do. Interesting.
While we're on the topic, are blogs even a thing anymore? I remember back in the day (god does it feel gross to be able to say that) I'd scroll through Myspace or random online forums and it seemed like everybody had a blog.
Mommy Bloggers, Travel Bloggers, Cat Bloggers... I wouldn't be surprised if there was a blog where someone documented every time they took a shit. Oh, actually, there's a lot of freaky mother fuckers out there, I hate that I have that image stuck in my head now.
Well this blog isn't gonna be anything like those ones! My turds are confi-dump-tial. 😉
Bonus points for everyone that laughed! If you didn't... see paragraph 6.
Dylan Rants will be an open forum to anything or anyone that has rubbed me the wrong way on that particular day. I'll talk about hot topics, my thoughts on my favorite shows (Survivor 48, you're up first!) and things I just don't like about the world. To those who know me, you're not off the table either. Tread lightly! Or you may find yourself on one of my entries!
Before I wrap up my first entry, I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself. Y'know, if all of the other pages on this website that are dedicated to me weren't enough.
I'm 25 years old, born and raised on Long Island, New York.
That's on, not in by the way. Say "In Long Island" and you're gonna piss off every obnoxious soccer mom within a 100 mile radius.
I currently am a Before & After School Program Director for schools across Long Island. Oh, you're shocked it's not something in TV? Haha... me too. I've been at this job for 2 years. I go to different schools, run the programs, listen to a chorus of "When am I getting picked up!", which are either sung in a whiny preteen voice or screamed at a pitch only dogs can hear.
Prior to my current job I've done a lot. But my first 'big boy job' after college was as an ABA Behavior Technician, with children on the spectrum. I was early intervention, which means my clients were all pre-school age and showed signs of autism.
Most were non-verbal, and during our sessions I'd track data and condition them to change their behavior. Learning how to use their voice to ask for things or to express themselves, being able to do work before getting a reward, interacting with other children, etc.
I Loved it, but the pay and the commute were terrible. Stinks, because it was the first and last time I really felt like I put my Psychology degree to use.
Oh yeah, I have a degree! I double majored in Psychology and Journalism. I realized in school that I love learning about people and I love entertaining people. I feel psychology and journalism go hand in hand, more than most would think.
My dream is to have my own talk show. Radio or Television! I imagine I'd have the vibe of a male Wendy Williams. Shocking, messy, relatable and not afraid to say what I feel. Well... until then at least I have the internet!
I've actually been very fortunate with the opportunities the internet has given me. I was hired by an app 'TVCO' (I'd say go check it out, but it fell off at the end of The Pandemic) to cover reality TV. It was so much fun, I got to interview players from 'Big Brother', attend premiere parties for the app, host live panels. I was completely in my element!
I also had the chance to work on a couple of TV shows. None of which I have any interest in watching — my experience on set for this Christian network could be its own entry — but it was so much fun!
I became really good at operating lighting, audio and camera equipment, which came in handy when I started helping out friends and friends of friends with their indie projects or student films.
I've also produced my own web series for 8 years! A competition series: 'I Love Money' (See the page for 'DH1 Network'). My series of podcasts and recaps for shows like 'Survivor', 'Big Brother', 'Rupaul's Drag Race', etc. Oh and I recently returned to animation!
I love reality tv. Specifically competition shows. Any of the shows I listed above are only the tip of the iceberg. I loved them so much I competed on one! This crazy ass show with 2000 contestants. We competed for $5,000,000 and I got close(ish) to winning it all! This show, 'Beast Games' was an insane experience and I'll have to make an entry talking about it.
Everyone tells me my laugh sounds like how a supervillain would laugh. They're correct, I can't lie. Laughing is my favorite pass time, I guess you could say I'm addicted... and I just can't get enough! 🎵 I just can't get enough! 🎵
Anyways, I feel this blog has gone on long enough. If you actually sat down and read through all this nonsense, thanks! If you just scrolled to the bottom like an asshole... SCROLL BACK UP!
Until next time, stay followed, stay tuned and most importantly: Stay bittah!
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